so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
