Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
