Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
