Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
