a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
