Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
