also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
