It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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