Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
