when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
