dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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