Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
