dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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