just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
