Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
