I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
