guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
