See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did I show you my penis last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
