see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
