I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
