dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
