Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He better not be in your backpack
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
