Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
