If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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