He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
