his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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