If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
