mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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