So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
