Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
