You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
