Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
