You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
