FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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