If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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