If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
