get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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