And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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