I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
