My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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