I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
