How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
