he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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