Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
