well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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