My sheets look like a crime scene.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
