Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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