That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
