Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
