We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
