Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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