so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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