What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Boobs speak an international language.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
