Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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