I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
