Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
