The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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