You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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