He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
