I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
