Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
