I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
